¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*¿ì
2022-02-04 595

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the government should change some laws to make people's lives much better. 'cause there are so many bad conditions to raise a child, and buy a house in some ways. They have to make more good places and social environments for kids.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kane:)

I'm sorry to here that. I hope that the government can do something about it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think the government should change some laws to make people's lives much better. 
>> CORRECT

'cause there are so many bad conditions to raise a child, and buy a house in some ways. 
>> It is because  raising a child and buying a house it hard to do here. 

They have to make more good places and social environments for kids.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116116 What\'s your greatest regret in life? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 486
116115 How can you increase your energy? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 416
116114 homework ¹Ú*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 711
116113 What steps should we do in order to help someone who is addicted... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 1
116112 How did this pandemic affect your mental health? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 2
116111 What\'s your typical weekend like? ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 2
116110 Taxi sharing ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 606
116109 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 435
116108 Why do you think people believe in superstitions? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 3
116107 02.04 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 1
116106 Claire\'s Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 474
116105 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 1
116104 If you were a fashion designer, what kinds of clothes would you... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-06 325
116103 What was the best gift you ever received? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-05 1
116102 Would you still consider the LGBTQ as a vulnerable group? Why? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-05 1
116101 What holidays have disappeared in your country? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-05 1005
116100 Claire\'s Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-05 727
116099 2/4 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-05 942
116098 What are the things you need these days? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-05 621
116097 What do you think should be done to improve living conditions in... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-05 884

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04