¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*¿ì
2022-02-04 621

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the government should change some laws to make people's lives much better. 'cause there are so many bad conditions to raise a child, and buy a house in some ways. They have to make more good places and social environments for kids.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kane:)

I'm sorry to here that. I hope that the government can do something about it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think the government should change some laws to make people's lives much better. 
>> CORRECT

'cause there are so many bad conditions to raise a child, and buy a house in some ways. 
>> It is because  raising a child and buying a house it hard to do here. 

They have to make more good places and social environments for kids.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115833 01/20/2022 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-01-24 354
115832 2022/1/19 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-01-24 387
115831 01/18/2022 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-01-24 1006
115830 How often do you use public transport? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-24 0
115829 Are older people actually wiser? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-23 949
115828 If a book has been made into a movie, which do you prefer to do... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-23 1
115827 1. What are the things that make you happy? 2. What are the... ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-23 298
115826 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-23 1344
115825 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-23 891
115824 I have but now it\'s change ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-23 957
115823 Am I right track?! ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-23 837
115822 Essay (Jan 21th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-23 736
115821 Does anyone famous come from your hometown? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-22 568
115820 Claire\'s Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-22 555
115819 Places with Contents ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-22 755
115818 What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-22 903
115817 Have you ever left discrimination from other people before? How... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-22 942
115816 If a book has been made into a movie, which do you prefer to do... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-22 485
115815 Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-22 585
115814 Have you ever felt discrimination from other people before? How... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-22 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04