¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*¿ì
2022-02-04 640

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the government should change some laws to make people's lives much better. 'cause there are so many bad conditions to raise a child, and buy a house in some ways. They have to make more good places and social environments for kids.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kane:)

I'm sorry to here that. I hope that the government can do something about it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think the government should change some laws to make people's lives much better. 
>> CORRECT

'cause there are so many bad conditions to raise a child, and buy a house in some ways. 
>> It is because  raising a child and buying a house it hard to do here. 

They have to make more good places and social environments for kids.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115638 Homework (1/13) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 1
115637 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 908
115636 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 510
115635 > What was the latest movie you\'ve seen? What do you think of... ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 267
115634 What is one of the most exciting jobs you can think of? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 289
115633 good morning! °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 831
115632 Homework ±è*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 555
115631 Do you usually eat healthy food? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 1
115630 A letter (Jan 16th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 407
115629 How is our accent affected by our birthplace? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 476
115628 homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 796
115627 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 463
115626 Why I like watching more than reading. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 888
115625 If you could travel back in time, where would you go? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 993
115624 Are simple joys as valuable as complex experiences? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 349
115623 If you could stop a bad habit that you have, what would you stop? Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 583
115622 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 556
115621 How do you think can we encourage people to take the COVID-19... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 458
115620 Stay healthy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 1
115619 Should companies focus more on clean technology?. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 757

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04