¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*¿ì
2022-02-04 668

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the government should change some laws to make people's lives much better. 'cause there are so many bad conditions to raise a child, and buy a house in some ways. They have to make more good places and social environments for kids.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kane:)

I'm sorry to here that. I hope that the government can do something about it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think the government should change some laws to make people's lives much better. 
>> CORRECT

'cause there are so many bad conditions to raise a child, and buy a house in some ways. 
>> It is because  raising a child and buying a house it hard to do here. 

They have to make more good places and social environments for kids.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115351 Tell me about your favorite food. ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 822
115350 What do you consider about a place/apartment/accommodation to... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 515
115349 Vaccine pass enforcement at cram schools, study rooms suspended À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115348 Koreans drawn to unhealthy bread À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115347 Celltrion\'s COVID-19 candidate treatment shows safety in... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115346 the court ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1295
115345 What job do you think most kids your age want to be? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 349
115344 writing3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 944
115343 writing3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 0
115342 writing2 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 0
115341 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 0
115340 Homework 7th, Jan, 2022 ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1312
115339 What preparation will you do before an interview to make a good... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 586
115338 If you can invent something, what would it be? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 954
115337 Why is sleep important? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115336 2022.1.6 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 948
115335 homework ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 494
115334 If you can cook one food every day, What would it be and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 464
115333 my compostion related to work ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 2
115332 I can enjoy these five food in winter! ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 350

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04