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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

How does free time activities differ now compared with the past?

작성자: 김*경
2022-02-10 508

회원님의 영작문

In the past, I did what I wanted during me-time, but now I think about what's good for my family first instead of what I want for myself. So I usually spend my free time developing myself to become a better me. For example, I use my free time in studying English, the Bible and investment. It's because I am responsible for my family in every respect. I try to be more mature mentally or spiritually because I know that who I am can directly affects my kids.
One more thing that is different from the past, now I have a good woman to spend free time together. My wife and I try to be straightforward with each other. We have everything in common - that could be an opinion in my side :). In some sense, it is uncomfortable to be conscious of the other even during me-time. But I believe the Bible's saying about a couple that a couple becomes one flesh. If a couple tries to be one, I believe they can experience higher relaxation and happiness coming from true relationship.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용


Hi, Steve! You have delivered your ideas in an orderly way. The overall content of your work is comprehensible.  Be careful with word usage though. 


- Debbie

In the past, I did what I wanted during me-time, but now I think about what's good for my family first instead of what I want for myself.
>> In the past, I did what I wanted during my me-time. Now I think about what's good for my family first instead of what I want for myself.

So I usually spend my free time developing myself to become a better me.
>> Therefore, I usually spend my free time developing myself to become better.

For example, I use my free time in studying English, the Bible and investment.
>> For example, I use my free time studying English, the Bible and investment.

It's because I am responsible for my family in every respect.
>> This is a good sentence.

I try to be more mature mentally or spiritually because I know that who I am can directly affects my kids.
>> I try to be more mature mentally or spiritually because I know that can directly affect my kids.

One more thing that is different from the past, now I have a good woman to spend free time together.
>> One more thing that is different from the past is that I now  have a good woman to spend my free time with.

My wife and I try to be straightforward with each other.
>> This is a good sentence.

We have everything in common - that could be an opinion in my side :).
>> We have everything in common, which could be an advantage for me.

In some sense, it is uncomfortable to be conscious of the other even during me-time.
>> In some sense, it is uncomfortable to be thinking of the other even during me-time.

 But I believe the Bible's saying about a couple that a couple becomes one flesh.
>> However, I believe what the Bible says about a couple becoming one flesh.

If a couple tries to be one, I believe they can experience higher relaxation and happiness coming from true relationship.
>> If a couple tries to be one, I believe they can experience true relaxation and happiness coming from a genuine relationship.
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