¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I really appreciate god

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-02-14 572

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy. But my nose and throat is not good. Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. I can cause unhealthy throat, too. I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer. In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! You have delivered your ideas in an orderly way. Great job! However, please remember to always capitalize the first letter of proper nouns, like God.


- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. 
>> In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy parts of their bodies.

In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy.
>> In my case, my lungs, heart, and other organs are healthy.

But my nose and throat is not good.
>> However, my nose and throat are not healthy.

Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. 
>> Sixty percent of people have rhinitis, and I am one of them. I have chronic rhinitis.

I can cause unhealthy throat, too.
>> It can affect the throat, too.

I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer.
>> I have rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate God because I'm not disabled and I don't have a serious disease like cancer.

In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.
>> In conclusion, I'm not very healthy, but I really appreciate God for the reasons above.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116337 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 526
116336 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 1
116335 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 323
116334 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 657
116333 Do you forgive people easily when they did something bad to you?... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 524
116332 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 1
116331 What is the worst news you\'ve ever heard in South Korea?... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 0
116330 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 10
116329 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 493
116328 What do children do at a playground? / What do you play with... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 354
116327 lesson 1 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 412
116326 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 6
116325 What would life be like without friends? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 478
116324 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 310
116323 ESSAY: What is the best and most enjoyable activity for the... Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 530
116322 Homework (2/11) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 0
116321 22-02-11 Homework ¹Ú*·É ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 0
116320 22-02-09 Homework ¹Ú*·É ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 1
116319 Korea: High-profile suicides spark cyber-bullying petition À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 1
116318 How do you manage your anger at work? Share your thoughts and... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-11 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04