¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I really appreciate god

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-02-14 591

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy. But my nose and throat is not good. Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. I can cause unhealthy throat, too. I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer. In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! You have delivered your ideas in an orderly way. Great job! However, please remember to always capitalize the first letter of proper nouns, like God.


- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. 
>> In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy parts of their bodies.

In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy.
>> In my case, my lungs, heart, and other organs are healthy.

But my nose and throat is not good.
>> However, my nose and throat are not healthy.

Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. 
>> Sixty percent of people have rhinitis, and I am one of them. I have chronic rhinitis.

I can cause unhealthy throat, too.
>> It can affect the throat, too.

I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer.
>> I have rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate God because I'm not disabled and I don't have a serious disease like cancer.

In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.
>> In conclusion, I'm not very healthy, but I really appreciate God for the reasons above.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116089 Homework (Feb 3th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1270
116088 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116087 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 508
116086 How would you describe the difference between a vice and an... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 423
116085 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1281
116084 What are you looking forward to this 2022 and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1015
116083 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 525
116082 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1603
116081 Writing correction ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 680
116080 Writing correction ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 706
116079 Where is your favorite restaurant and why? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 2
116078 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1619
116077 My appearance ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 5
116076 LIving WIth Someone ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 753
116075 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116074 What do you think should be done to improve living conditions in... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 0
116073 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116072 22-02-04 Homework ¹Ú*·É ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116071 What is your favorite social activity? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 399
116070 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04