¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I really appreciate god

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-02-14 787

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy. But my nose and throat is not good. Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. I can cause unhealthy throat, too. I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer. In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! You have delivered your ideas in an orderly way. Great job! However, please remember to always capitalize the first letter of proper nouns, like God.


- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. 
>> In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy parts of their bodies.

In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy.
>> In my case, my lungs, heart, and other organs are healthy.

But my nose and throat is not good.
>> However, my nose and throat are not healthy.

Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. 
>> Sixty percent of people have rhinitis, and I am one of them. I have chronic rhinitis.

I can cause unhealthy throat, too.
>> It can affect the throat, too.

I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer.
>> I have rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate God because I'm not disabled and I don't have a serious disease like cancer.

In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.
>> In conclusion, I'm not very healthy, but I really appreciate God for the reasons above.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115941 Which one do you think is better, living alone or with someone?... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 881
115940 Do you enjoy having people over to your house? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 445
115939 resume_ request to review È«*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 7
115938 It is easy to be worse the global warming, but it\'s hard to... ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 650
115937 What do you use to help you plan? A smartphone application?... ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 511
115936 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1101
115935 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1722
115934 What do people do on the street that annoys you? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 322
115933 look for ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1
115932 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 506
115931 My first vocal teacher:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 891
115930 What would you do if you had to travel to a country where its... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 648
115929 What is your favorite exercise and why? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 843
115928 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1055
115927 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 556
115926 Do you think it is best to argue or just walk away? À±*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1
115925 Who is the teacher that inspired you the most and what is the... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 632
115924 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1
115923 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 746
115922 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1197

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04