¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I really appreciate god

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-02-14 870

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy. But my nose and throat is not good. Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. I can cause unhealthy throat, too. I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer. In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! You have delivered your ideas in an orderly way. Great job! However, please remember to always capitalize the first letter of proper nouns, like God.


- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. 
>> In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy parts of their bodies.

In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy.
>> In my case, my lungs, heart, and other organs are healthy.

But my nose and throat is not good.
>> However, my nose and throat are not healthy.

Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. 
>> Sixty percent of people have rhinitis, and I am one of them. I have chronic rhinitis.

I can cause unhealthy throat, too.
>> It can affect the throat, too.

I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer.
>> I have rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate God because I'm not disabled and I don't have a serious disease like cancer.

In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.
>> In conclusion, I'm not very healthy, but I really appreciate God for the reasons above.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115301 fairy tale I know. ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 493
115300 Do you like meeting new people? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 542
115299 Homework Jan.6th. 2022. ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 421
115298 Homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 952
115297 What is your long term goal? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-06 1
115296 criteria to recruiting nurses ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 753
115295 What would you do if most of your friends couldn¡¯t make it to... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 627
115294 Music can make people to one ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 655
115293 What is your favorite Korean traditional game? Explain how this... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 2229
115292 What new thing would you like to try this years? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 962
115291 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 422
115290 How do you value friendship? Explain your answer in as much... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 493
115289 writing3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 1273
115288 writing2 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 608
115287 Wring1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 441
115286 What is the best way for a country to bring in more tourists? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 953
115285 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 529
115284 Would you rather live alone or with other people? Why? º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 1281
115283 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 718
115282 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04