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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Social media is good at human communication.

작성자: 김*준
2022-02-18 831

회원님의 영작문

I agree that social media improves human communication.

When I became a director in my company. I don’t know some people who are influential customers.Especially, at that time, Our company started a new business. so, I had to meet new customers.
From about 2 years ago, I have started posting on facebook everyday, while going home on the subway or on the bus.

Because of that, I have made many friends on facebook. The number of facebook friends is about 4,600, and than many of them have purchased our company’s products, and some of them have promoted our company to their friends. even I have learned something from them, and sometimes I have helped them.

So, I think social media improve human communication very much.
I

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Happy Friday Elliot!! 

Wow! Thank you for narrating a bit of some background stories. I agree with your opinion too!   It is really very convenient to communicate nowadays because of social media. It also gave way to a lot of opportunities for business promotion. 

I want to commend you for your proper use of conjunctions!!!  I am so glad that you properly used "on Facebook". That is correct! When pertaining to a website or a social media platform, we use the conjunction "ON".

For today's corrections, please observe that there are some sentences which can be connected into one long sentence, while some long sentences can be divided into two simpler ones. Also please be careful in using commas and observe proper capitalization. Proper or specific names are capitalized. 
Also, be careful in choosing which verb tenses you will use.

I hope you will apply these tips to improve your next writing exercise!   Keep it up!!!

Have a great weekend!
-Teacher Violet.

I agree that social media improves human communication.
>> CORRECT!

When I became a director in my company. I don’t know some people who are influential customers. 
>>  When I became a director in my company, I didn’t know any influential customers. 

Especially, at that time, Our company started a new business. so, I had to meet new customers.
>> Especially at that time, our company started a new business so I had to meet new customers.


From about 2 years ago, I have started posting on facebook everyday, while going home on the subway or on the bus.
>> About 2 years ago, I started posting on Facebook everyday while going home on the subway or on the bus.

Because of that, I have made many friends on facebook. 
>> Because of that, I have made many friends on Facebook. 

The number of facebook friends is about 4,600, and than many of them have purchased our company’s products, and some of them have promoted our company to their friends. 
>> The number of my Facebook friends is about  4,600. Many of them have purchased our company’s products and some of them have promoted our company to their friends. 

even I have learned something from them, and sometimes I have helped them.
>> Even I have learned something from them, and I help them sometimes too/as well.

So, I think social media improve human communication very much.
>> So, I think social media helped improved human communication (very much)/(a lot).
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117721 HOMEWORK 문*영 완료 2022-03-25 1083
117720 Homework 함*주 완료 2022-03-25 1
117719 Homework 이*빈 완료 2022-03-25 1152
117718 Homework 박*은 완료 2022-03-25 3
117717 Thank you! 우*진 완료 2022-03-25 5
117716 thank you;) 우*진 완료 2022-03-25 4
117715 Choose the correct word to complete the sentences. 1. How ____... 장*수 완료 2022-03-25 1222
117714 I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below. 신*교 완료 2022-03-25 1176
117713 I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below. 신*교 완료 2022-03-25 938
117712 Homework 박*소 완료 2022-03-25 1144
117711 2022.3.24 전* 완료 2022-03-25 1128
117710 If there is a place in America that you wanted to live in, where... 서*영 완료 2022-03-25 1
117709 If you could edit your memories, which ones would you erase and... 황*별 완료 2022-03-25 1019
117708 Which is worse, obesity or anorexia? 김*인 완료 2022-03-25 911
117707 HOMEWORK 임*총 완료 2022-03-25 2
117706 If you could edit your memories, which ones would you erase and... 신*섭 완료 2022-03-25 651
117705 HOMEWORK 배*호 완료 2022-03-24 796
117704 Where is it best to have a heart-to-heart talk with someone? Why? 이*경 완료 2022-03-24 616
117703 HOMEWORK 배*호 완료 2022-03-24 930
117702 3/24 homework 이*유 완료 2022-03-24 987

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