¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you think should wars be stopped and prevented?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-03-02 1014

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that wars should be prevented with the way how all countries become strong because some countries attack other countries which are weaker than them. So, I think that if all countries become strong, any country will not be easy to attack other country. Also, wars should be stopped with the way how other countries have to support countries which be attacked by stronger countries but, I hope that any war don't be broken out.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly! 

Wars are never good in any forms. All countries should form unity. Just like in people, we should not bully the ones that are weaker. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


I think that wars should be prevented with the way how all countries become strong because some countries attack other countries which are weaker than them. 
>> CORRECT

So, I think that if all countries become strong, any country will not be easy to attack other country. 
>> So, I think that if all countries become strong, no country would be easy to attack. 

Also, wars should be stopped with the way how other countries have to support countries which be attacked by stronger countries but, I hope that any war don't be broken out.
>> Also, wars should be stopped with the way how other countries have to support other countries. I hope wars won't exist anymore. 


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117138 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 635
117137 HOMEWORK: How could you make fruit juices by yourself? / What... ¼­*¾È ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1174
117136 If you had a million dollars, what would you do? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 823
117135 Do you think it is necessary to experiment on animals to test... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1219
117134 Why Fintech? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 892
117133 Tell me something you know about Dinosaurs. ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 410
117132 Why Bloomberg? (Why did you choose to apply in Bloomberg?) ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1221
117131 What do you know about the Bloomberg? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1103
117130 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 869
117129 China\'s birth rate at record low in 2021 À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 2
117128 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1102
117127 If you were planning a party on a very small budget, what would... ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 907
117126 manpower ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1151
117125 homework ÇÏ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 3
117124 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 2
117123 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 634
117122 Where do you usually get information about job hiring? Why do... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 740
117121 Do you like meeting new people? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1099
117120 How did you and your husband meet? Was it love at first sight? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1137
117119 2022.3.7 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1169

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04