¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

We should go to school

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-03-02 1338

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, homeschooling has lots of advantages and disadvantages, too. First the advantages are studying freely, and not to be in school violence. We can study freely and we can find the best way to study. Studying alone is very important for our lives. Sometimes we can feel lonely, but I think it may be a travel that find ourselves out. It can help us to have a dream and work hard. In addition, we can avoid school violence by not going to school. School violence is very serious problem these days. But if we do homeschooling, we can avoid that negative situation. However, we can't improve our society ability. School is the place where students learn how many and diverse people are in the world. Frankly, school violence can be one of the most important lesson about society. In conclusion, I think we should go to school, but we have to know how to study and work alone.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! You were able to make grammatically-correct sentences! Superb!  Thank you for an impressive work.

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, homeschooling has lots of advantages and disadvantages, too. 
>> This is a good sentence.

First the advantages are studying freely, and not to be in school violence.
>> The advantages are solitude and freedom from violence.

We can study freely and we can find the best way to study. 
>> With homeschooling, we can study alone. Moreover, we can find the best way to do it.

Studying alone is very important for our lives. 
>> This is a good sentence.

Sometimes we can feel lonely, but I think it may be a travel that find ourselves out. 
>> We might feel lonely sometimes, but I think it may be a way to find out who we are. 

It can help us to have a dream and work hard.
>> It can help us dream and work hard.

In addition, we can avoid school violence by not going to school. 
>> This is a good sentence.

School violence is very serious problem these days.
>> School violence is a very serious problem these days.

But if we do homeschooling, we can avoid that negative situation. 
>> However, if we are homeschooled, we can avoid this negative situation.

However, we can't improve our society ability.
>>  The disadvantage of homeschooling is that we can't improve our social skills.

School is the place where students learn how many and diverse people are in the world.
>> School is where students learn how many and diverse people are in the world.

Frankly, school violence can be one of the most important lesson about society.
>> Frankly, school violence can be one of the most important lessons about society.

In conclusion, I think we should go to school, but we have to know how to study and work alone.
>> This is a good sentence.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115898 If you had to lose one of your senses(sight, smell, hearing,... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 602
115897 Because of people\'s greed ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 518
115896 Can you name three jobs you can be good at? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 512
115895 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1043
115894 Household chores ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1213
115893 Can money buy happiness? Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 937
115892 What is the worst age to be and why? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 677
115891 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1139
115890 Writing correction ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 0
115889 Writing correction - 1 ±è*¿µ ÁøÇàÁß 2022-01-25 0
115888 Writing correction - 1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 0
115887 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 455
115886 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115885 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115884 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115883 Do you think that older people are always right? Why or why not? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 731
115882 sorry for absent °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 0
115881 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1745
115880 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 810
115879 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 265

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04