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영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

New city

작성자: 이*나
2022-03-03 530

회원님의 영작문

I moved new my home in Gamil
Gamil is in Hanam, Hanam is in Gyeongido
My new home is an apartment.
This place is so good, because Gamil has a big mountain, and many trees.
but here has disadvantages.
Gamil has many bugs, beacause of a big mountain and many trees.
so I hard to be comfortable in summer
and one another is transportation
This place is no subway, Only have 5 buses
so, when I should go to somewhere, it always took more 30 minutes by bus.
I want to develop transportation before I become an adult.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Hana,
In the city life, there are the most luxuries and comfortable amenities and city of the people enjoys much by this facilities. In a city, many of the people live with very comfort for its cultural, economic, and commercial facilities. City life lures to the people for migrating from rural to urban life. A city needs to be a sustainable, livable environment to be a good city to live in. And great places are designed for people, taking into account all their human needs. That means they have fresh air, a lack of noise and trash, and plenty of shade, if necessary. ~ Teacher QUENNY.. Have a great weekend..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I moved new my home in Gamil
>> I moved to my new home in Gamil. 
Gamil is in Hanam, Hanam is in Gyeongido
>> Gamil is in Hanam, Hanam is in Gyeongido City. 
My new home is an apartment.
>> My new home is an apartment.
This place is so good, because Gamil has a big mountain, and many trees.
>> This place is so good and a nice place to live in because Gamil has big mountains and is surrounded by many trees too. 
but here has disadvantages.
>> But it has disadvantages.
Gamil has many bugs, beacause of a big mountain and many trees. so I hard to be comfortable in summer and one another is transportation
>> Gamil has many bugs, because of the big mountains and many trees so it's hard to feel comfortable in summer and ride on one another transportation. 
This place is no subway, Only have 5 buses so, when I should go to somewhere, it always took more 30 minutes by bus.
>> This place has no subway and it only has 5 buses so when I want to go somewhere it always took more than 30 minutes by bus.
I want to develop transportation before I become an adult.
>>  I want to develop the transportation system in our place before I become an adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I moved new my home in Gamil
Gamil is in Hanam, Hanam is in Gyeongido
My new home is an apartment.
This place is so good, because Gamil has a big mountain, and many trees.
but here has disadvantages.
Gamil has many bugs, beacause of a big mountain and many trees.
so I hard to be comfortable in summer
and one another is transportation
This place is no subway, Only have 5 buses
so, when I should go to somewhere, it always took more 30 minutes by bus.
I want to develop transportation before I become an adult.
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