¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2022-03-03 854

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

How do you think should wars be stopped and prevented?

I think the country that invaded should apologize to the country which was invaded. Even if there is a dispute between two countries, a war is not a good way. They can reach a deal through argument.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Won! 

War is not good in any forms. Victims are the ones mostly affected, not the leaders. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think the country that invaded should apologize to the country which was invaded. 
>> I think the country that invaded another country should apologize to them.. 

Even if there is a dispute between two countries, a war is not a good way. 
>> Even if there is a dispute between two countries, having a war is not a good way. 

They can reach a deal through argument.
>>They can reach a deal through an argument instead. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117599 My family rules ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 1
117598 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 512
117597 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 677
117596 About my times À±*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 318
117595 Comic strips ÀÌ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 1080
117594 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 0
117593 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 5
117592 What are your favorite ways to exercise? ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 1
117591 Answer to \"What\'s your favorite food?\" ¹Ý*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 1
117590 I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below. ½Å*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 236
117589 2022.3.21 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 479
117588 Why is obesity increasing? ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 781
117587 What is the best way to learn a language? Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 831
117586 What would you do if you forgot the name of someone recently... ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 658
117585 What would the world be like without plastic? ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 983
117584 Do you think it is important for men to join the military... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-22 1050
117583 What motivates you to work in the customer service department of... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 384
117582 What is a famous work of art in your country and why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 1
117581 3/21 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 494
117580 What song makes you sentimental and why? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 1083

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04