¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2022-03-03 1284

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

How do you think should wars be stopped and prevented?

I think the country that invaded should apologize to the country which was invaded. Even if there is a dispute between two countries, a war is not a good way. They can reach a deal through argument.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Won! 

War is not good in any forms. Victims are the ones mostly affected, not the leaders. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think the country that invaded should apologize to the country which was invaded. 
>> I think the country that invaded another country should apologize to them.. 

Even if there is a dispute between two countries, a war is not a good way. 
>> Even if there is a dispute between two countries, having a war is not a good way. 

They can reach a deal through argument.
>>They can reach a deal through an argument instead. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119092 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 2
119091 Use the words in a sentence. ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 736
119090 When do I have the most energy? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 792
119089 How do you want someone to apologize to you? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 2
119088 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 605
119087 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 679
119086 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 712
119085 Which machines do you think makes our lives easier? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 610
119084 Do you like to cook? Why or why not? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 893
119083 Do you have a favorite cafe? If so, where is it and why do you... ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 726
119082 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 2
119081 What are your hobbies and how long have you had your hobby? ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 745
119080 If you could be a toy, what would you be? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 724
119079 Pay for Birthday party. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 542
119078 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 0
119077 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 565
119076 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 757
119075 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 639
119074 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 601
119073 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-17 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04