¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2022-03-03 1118

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

How do you think should wars be stopped and prevented?

I think the country that invaded should apologize to the country which was invaded. Even if there is a dispute between two countries, a war is not a good way. They can reach a deal through argument.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Won! 

War is not good in any forms. Victims are the ones mostly affected, not the leaders. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think the country that invaded should apologize to the country which was invaded. 
>> I think the country that invaded another country should apologize to them.. 

Even if there is a dispute between two countries, a war is not a good way. 
>> Even if there is a dispute between two countries, having a war is not a good way. 

They can reach a deal through argument.
>>They can reach a deal through an argument instead. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117663 Which one is better, studying abroad or studying in South Korea? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 806
117662 Do you think the idea of beauty is changing? How? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 5
117661 Have you been disappointed with the results of your goal before? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 2
117660 Homework ½Å*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 1
117659 3/23 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 657
117658 hi Çö*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 644
117657 What do you do to keep fit? ÃÖ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 586
117656 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 1
117655 Good night °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 963
117654 A law-abider ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 0
117653 Army ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 517
117652 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 716
117651 More hard study for english ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 1146
117650 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 702
117649 What kind of attitude annoys you? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 508
117648 Have you tried roller skate? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 775
117647 Where are the best places to go on vacation in your country? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 704
117646 What do you usually talk about with your friends and family when... ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 966
117645 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 3
117644 What influences you make good choice? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 736

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04