¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Our thoughts determine our happiness.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÁØ
2022-03-04 777

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are lots of influences in our life, depending on the degree of diet, our appearance will be changed. For example, before dieting i was fat and after dieting i changed to slim properly. First of all, This is good for my health.

And then, my friends told me ¡° You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well\", and so on. When I heard those, I felt proud. Sometimes pride gives me confidence or courage. And I can do my job better, even if I make a mistake. That is the positive influence of a successful diet.

But many people fail on their diets. or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. It¡¯s called the ¡°yo-yo effect¡±. Of course I experienced that. At that time I was disappointed. I think this is real life.

Depending on what we think of it. Our life will be happy or not.
Anyway, I hope I will be happy and my teacher will also be happy and healthy.

Thank you.I expect to meet you in the next class.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Elliot!

Another well answered homework! Your diet and your point of view in life is really worthy of respect. I am also happy to hear positive stories like yours! Like how your friends give you compliments and how you can see the results that you now reap. It also inspires me to work on myself. Thank you too for wishing me health and happiness! I wish it upon you and your family too.

For today's corrections, not much grammar corrections! Instead, please look at the punctuations you used, as well the as capitalization of "I". These are very minor errors, so good job! But since they are minor errors, it is best if you can adapt and fix them immediately next time.
Thank you again for your everlasting effort, and I promise this will help you improve a lot.

Have a nice weekend!
-Teacher Violet 

I think there are lots of influences in our life, depending on the degree of diet, our appearance will be changed. 

>> CORRECT!

OR >> ¡¦our appearance will change depending on the degree of diet.   

 

For example, before dieting i was fat and after dieting i changed to slim properly. 

>> For example, before dieting I was fat and after dieting I changed to slim properly. 



First of all, This is good for my health.

>> First of all, this is good for my health.


And then, my friends told me ¡° You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well\", and so on. 

>> And then, my friends told me ¡°You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well", and so on. 


When I heard those, I felt proud. 

>> CORRECT!


Sometimes pride gives me confidence or courage. 

>> CORRECT!

And I can do my job better, even if I make a mistake. 

>> CORRECT!

That is the positive influence of a successful diet.

>> CORRECT!
OR >> Those are the positive influences of a successful diet.

But many people fail on their diets. or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. 

>> But many people fail on their diets, or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. 



It¡¯s called the ¡°yo-yo effect¡±. 

>> CORRECT!

Of course I experienced that. 

>> Of course, I experienced that. 



At that time I was disappointed. 

>> CORRECT!

I think this is real life.

>> CORRECT!

Depending on what we think of it. Our life will be happy or not.

>> Depending on what we think of it, our life will be happy or not.



Anyway, I hope I will be happy and my teacher will also be happy and healthy.

>> CORRECT! Aw, thank you so much!!! You too!

Thank you. 

>> CORRECT!

I expect to meet you in the next class.

>> CORRECT! See you too~
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118033 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 526
118032 Should governments allow people to drink products that make... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1424
118031 Do you think it would be harder to live with a physical... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 674
118030 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 565
118029 Fashion is important thing ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 846
118028 My Favorite Thing about Myself ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1169
118027 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1
118026 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 759
118025 2022.4.5 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 828
118024 Do you think fashion is important for people\'s lives? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 498
118023 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 2
118022 If you can plant a tree in your name, what tree will you plant? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 844
118021 4/5 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 508
118020 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 3
118019 What is your favorite healthy food? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 1
118018 What place would you like to visit soon? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 758
118017 Is it morally right to spend a lot of money on pets, rather than... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 1
118016 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 1
118015 Should governments allow people to drink products that make... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 473
118014 What kinds of drinks do you prefer when it\'s hot? Please... ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 507

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04