¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you think should wars be stopped and prevented?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-03-04 527

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

First, if we want to stop wars, then, we should try to stop dictatorship.
Dictatorship could make wars because only one person could make the decision about something.
And we also have to prevent wars.
There are a lot of ways to prevent wars, but one of them is education.
We should continue the education about the danger of wars.
I think those ways are the ways that we could stop and prevent wars.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

War is not good in any forms. Victims are the ones mostly affected, not the leaders. These are good ways to stop and prevent them. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

First, if we want to stop wars, then, we should try to stop dictatorship.\
>> First, if we want to stop wars, we should try to stop dictatorship

Dictatorship could make wars because only one person could make the decision about something.
>> 
Dictatorship could make wars because only one person could make decisions for the country. 

And we also have to prevent wars.
>> Also, we have to prevent wars. 

There are a lot of ways to prevent wars, but one of them is education.
>> CORRECT

We should continue the education about the danger of wars.
>> We should continue educating people about the dangers of wars. 

I think those ways are the ways that we could stop and prevent wars.
>> I think those are the ways that could help stop or prevent wars. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116281 What is the worst news you\'ve ever heard in South Korea?... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 823
116280 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 1205
116279 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 661
116278 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 1
116277 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 687
116276 How can you help protect the environment and enhance animal... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 1
116275 What do you do to stay healthy? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 5
116274 Describe your favorite food. What ingredients are in it? Why is... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 612
116273 Do you forgive people easily when they did something bad to you?... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 1
116272 If you could be any animal in the world, what would you be and... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 967
116271 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 3
116270 Do you think there will be a lot of unemployed people when we... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 1
116269 Terrible olympic:( ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 612
116268 What is a bus station? / Where¡¯s the nearest bus station in... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 427
116267 Definitely Philippines :) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 817
116266 How do different types of weather affect you emotions? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 3
116265 My best day. Le* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 473
116264 How does free time activities differ now compared with the past? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 599
116263 Homework. ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 770
116262 pick pick ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-10 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04