¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I can\'t believe still:(

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-03-07 1063

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Please be careful to talk.
I think every cases start yo begin at mouth.
This in the war between Russia and Ukraine, only young people died.
When I first saw that news, I think just how could they do that...
Young people they don't know every thing just the war broke out at the place where they thought it was only training.
I can't believe still. Now is 2022 but people they are still same a long time ago.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann!
 
I agree with you. Nothing good will come out from wars. It will not make anything better. They are just risking lives of innocent people. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Please be careful to talk.
>> We need to be careful with what we say. 

I think every cases start yo begin at mouth.
>> I think every war starts because of what people say. 

This in the war between Russia and Ukraine, only young people died.
>> Only young people died between the war or Ukraine and Russia, 

When I first saw that news, I think just how could they do that...
>> When I first saw it in the news, I was wondering how could they do such thing. 

Young people they don't know every thing just the war broke out at the place where they thought it was only training.
>> Young people don't know anything about wars since they were not trained. 

I can't believe still. Now is 2022 but people they are still same a long time ago.
>> I still can't believe it. It's already 2022 and people are still the same. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119670 We can\'t meet each other ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 514
119669 I like my eating habit ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 718
119668 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 646
119667 I know many happily married couples. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 673
119666 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 618
119665 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 597
119664 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 2
119663 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 502
119662 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 681
119661 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 719
119660 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 758
119659 Expensive gift ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 644
119658 About season ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 2
119657 homewokr ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 573
119656 homework ¿ø*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 697
119655 Do you think that you should change your eating habits? Why or... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 622
119654 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 501
119653 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 621
119652 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 782
119651 What are some superstitions in your country? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 789

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04