¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I can\'t believe still:(

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-03-07 994

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Please be careful to talk.
I think every cases start yo begin at mouth.
This in the war between Russia and Ukraine, only young people died.
When I first saw that news, I think just how could they do that...
Young people they don't know every thing just the war broke out at the place where they thought it was only training.
I can't believe still. Now is 2022 but people they are still same a long time ago.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann!
 
I agree with you. Nothing good will come out from wars. It will not make anything better. They are just risking lives of innocent people. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

Please be careful to talk.
>> We need to be careful with what we say. 

I think every cases start yo begin at mouth.
>> I think every war starts because of what people say. 

This in the war between Russia and Ukraine, only young people died.
>> Only young people died between the war or Ukraine and Russia, 

When I first saw that news, I think just how could they do that...
>> When I first saw it in the news, I was wondering how could they do such thing. 

Young people they don't know every thing just the war broke out at the place where they thought it was only training.
>> Young people don't know anything about wars since they were not trained. 

I can't believe still. Now is 2022 but people they are still same a long time ago.
>> I still can't believe it. It's already 2022 and people are still the same. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116553 2022.2.16 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 587
116552 What were your worse experience of rejection and best experience... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 477
116551 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 639
116550 Would you be willing to pay for internet services if they... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 595
116549 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 513
116548 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1028
116547 Do you think marriage is important? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 586
116546 2/17 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 624
116545 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1
116544 They say exercise helps improve mood. How? Write at least 5... Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 657
116543 Chemical firms on high alert for toughened safety law À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1
116542 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 522
116541 89-year-old graduates college with highest honors À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1
116540 I think I\'m going to work ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 574
116539 Stocks:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 596
116538 use of the phone ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 822
116537 Do you think marriage is important? Why or why not? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 357
116536 Do you exercise? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 3
116535 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 304
116534 What do you think about voting? Is it a good way to make... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 832

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04