¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

we should prepare something if possible.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ÁØ
2022-03-10 1255

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

First opinion.
If the waiting time is long. If the ordered food was delayed by more than one hour and thirty minutes. Maybe I would be upset. Of course, if there was an explanation in advance. I could understand that, and I would make a different plan. But if there wasn¡¯t an explanation, even I would not have received the food. Maybe before it was delivered, I would check and cancel the order. I think unexpected things can happen in our life. even if we care more. So the most important thing is timely communication.

Secondly, my limit time for waiting is about fifteen minutes or thirty minutes. But I said before, more important is proper and timely communication.

Anyway, we cannot live according to a plan, because all circumstances can change by me, by others, by somethings else, so we should prepare something that if possible.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Elliot!


Thank you so much for sharing about your thought process when encountering delayed food orders. Personally, I find it difficult to complain when my food is delayed, even when I am in a hurry, I will just kindly ask the personnel to please bring my food quickly, but I will not leave the restaurant because I feel so bad about the food that I ordered. Anyway! great job on explaining. You made great sentences.


For today's corrections, I found that there are some sentences which are best joined together. Other than that, only some punctuation and capitalization corrections.


Thank you for your effort and I look forward to the next one!

-Teacher Violet.



First opinion.

>> CORRECT!

If the waiting time is long.

>> CORRECT!

If the ordered food was delayed by more than one hour and thirty minutes.  Maybe I would be upset. 

>> If the ordered food was delayed by more than one hour and thirty minutes, maybe I would be upset. 


Of course, if there was an explanation in advance. I could understand that, and I would make a different plan. 

>> Of course, if there was an explanation in advance,  I could understand that, and I would make a different plan. 


But if there wasn¡¯t an explanation, even I would not have received the food. 

>> CORRECT!


Maybe before it was delivered, I would check and cancel the order. 

>> CORRECT!

I think unexpected things can happen in our life. even if we care more. 

>> I think unexpected things can happen in our life even if we care more. 


So the most important thing is timely communication.

>> CORRECT!

Secondly, my limit time for waiting is about fifteen minutes or thirty minutes. 

>> Secondly, my limit for waiting is about fifteen or thirty minutes. 


But I said before, more important is proper and timely communication.

>> But as I said before,  proper and timely communication is more important.


Anyway, we cannot live according to a plan, because all circumstances can change by me, by others, by somethings else, so we should prepare something that if possible.

>> Anyway, we cannot live according to plan because all circumstances can be changed by me, by others, or by something else, so we should prepare for all possibilities.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119821 He prayed for a lively life, and he actually lived a lively life ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 3476
119820 6/13 HOMEWORK (😡😡😡😡) ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 842
119819 Mobile phones can be seen as fashion statement, can this put... ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 1
119818 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 717
119817 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 2
119816 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 743
119815 Do you think people watch too much television? Why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 821
119814 What are some strange foreign customs that your ever heard of? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 698
119813 Exercise ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 2
119812 If you wrote a book, what would you write about? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 1
119811 homework ¿ø*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 778
119810 What do you think would South Korea be like if it still has... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 882
119809 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 744
119808 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 919
119807 How do you understand \" too good, to be true\"? Please provide... ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 663
119806 Soeun\'s Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 1
119805 About diasters ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 3
119804 I hope....! À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 2
119803 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 1170
119802 Capitalism ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-13 823

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04