¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I would be appreciated if you review the below sentence.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*±³
2022-03-10 1087

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If this first dream is broken, the root cause of sin, sickness, and death will be destroyed, and return to the original nothingness.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Tae Kyo! :)
Thank you for these sentences. You did great! :)

- T. Rina

1. I would be appreciated if you review the below sentence.
>> I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below.
OR: It would be appreciated if you could check the sentence below.

2. If this first dream is broken, the root cause of sin, sickness, and death will be destroyed, and return to the original nothingness.
>> If this first dream didn't come true, the root cause of sin, sickness, and death will be destroyed, and it'll return to the original nothingness.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120178 Thanks for your teaching. ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 897
120177 What is your favorite Korean dish and why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 3
120176 My favorite Amusement park ride. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 718
120175 My favorite Amusement park ride. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 976
120174 What is your opinion about the growing stagflation in your... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 1006
120173 Have you ever thought of entering the medical industry? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 1027
120172 In your opinion, what are the possible problems that your... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 846
120171 What do you do to set a good example to others on how to become... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 827
120170 Who is always there to help you when you need it badly? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 779
120169 Writing Task(Jun 64th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 1461
120168 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 664
120167 Homework and question ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 812
120166 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 677
120165 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 999
120164 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 3
120163 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 1105
120162 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 0
120161 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 0
120160 What is best about being a teenager? And why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 668
120159 What is special about your country\'s cuisine? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 894

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04