¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I would be appreciated if you review the below sentence.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*±³
2022-03-10 1104

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If this first dream is broken, the root cause of sin, sickness, and death will be destroyed, and return to the original nothingness.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Tae Kyo! :)
Thank you for these sentences. You did great! :)

- T. Rina

1. I would be appreciated if you review the below sentence.
>> I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below.
OR: It would be appreciated if you could check the sentence below.

2. If this first dream is broken, the root cause of sin, sickness, and death will be destroyed, and return to the original nothingness.
>> If this first dream didn't come true, the root cause of sin, sickness, and death will be destroyed, and it'll return to the original nothingness.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118477 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 1
118476 childhood image À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 446
118475 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 403
118474 More and more people today are moving away from where their... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-25 0
118473 What are these problems and how might they be reduced? ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 0
118472 Writing Task(Apr 22th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 674
118471 Writing Task(Apr 21th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 640
118470 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 2
118469 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 0
118468 What kind of sport do you want to try? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 520
118467 Do you think there should be a law that requires everyone to... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 1
118466 4/22 h.w Çö*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 689
118465 4.21 homework Çö*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 540
118464 4.20 homework Çö*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 532
118463 Rural area. ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 649
118462 The credit card ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-24 2
118461 If you can change something about your lifestyle, what would it... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-04-23 609
118460 Email ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-23 6
118459 What is importance of English language. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-04-23 588
118458 Email format ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-23 6

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04