¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I would be appreciated if you review the below sentence.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*±³
2022-03-10 1050

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If this first dream is broken, the root cause of sin, sickness, and death will be destroyed, and return to the original nothingness.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Tae Kyo! :)
Thank you for these sentences. You did great! :)

- T. Rina

1. I would be appreciated if you review the below sentence.
>> I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below.
OR: It would be appreciated if you could check the sentence below.

2. If this first dream is broken, the root cause of sin, sickness, and death will be destroyed, and return to the original nothingness.
>> If this first dream didn't come true, the root cause of sin, sickness, and death will be destroyed, and it'll return to the original nothingness.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118046 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1
118045 Where is the most amazing place you have been? Why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 608
118044 The Social Norms ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 2
118043 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 521
118042 Do you think people feel different when they wear different... ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 3
118041 HOMEWORK: ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 665
118040 Do you think fashion is important for people\'s lives? Why or... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 591
118039 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 3
118038 Do you think fashion is important for people\'s lives? Why or... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 0
118037 What is your opinion about people who have tattoos? Would you... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 0
118036 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 5
118035 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 527
118034 Is travel education? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 456
118033 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 465
118032 Should governments allow people to drink products that make... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1358
118031 Do you think it would be harder to live with a physical... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 643
118030 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 527
118029 Fashion is important thing ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 785
118028 My Favorite Thing about Myself ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1059
118027 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04