¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Give me one big mistake that you have done and what lesson have you learned from it.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-03-15 914

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I was at 10 years old, I stole money from my grandmother's wallet. so my parents took off my clothes and threw me out in the middle of winter. Fortunately, no one saw it because it was an apartment. I learned it's hard to make money. :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Elic!

Oh dear! I was shocked when I was reading your answer. That experience is eye-opening. Hahaha!

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

When I was at 10 years old, I stole money from my grandmother's wallet. 
>> CORRECT

so my parents took off my clothes and threw me out in the middle of winter. 
>>So my parents took off my clothes and threw me out in the middle of winter. 

Fortunately, no one saw it because it was an apartment.
>> CORRECT

 I learned it's hard to make money. :)
>>  I learned it's hard to earn money. :)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116400 Both ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 2
116399 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 647
116398 good traveling ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 660
116397 Where do you wish to live when you are old? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 523
116396 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 413
116395 homework.4 ¾ç*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 673
116394 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 0
116393 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 4
116392 What are your dreams or goals in life? / What will you do to... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 733
116391 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 681
116390 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 2
116389 What is that one thing that you will not change about yourself... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 736
116388 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 852
116387 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 726
116386 Claire\'s Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1298
116385 Homework(2/11) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 0
116384 What do you love about your work? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 2
116383 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1010
116382 Why do you think school clubs or organizations are important? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 504
116381 My Personality ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1007

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04