¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it is important for men to join the military service in South Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-03-21 1521

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, I do. It is very important because that is the law. So, if someone break the rule, he must be going to take responsibility for it. I don't like demanding men to join the military. However, the war didn't end. We don't know when the war end and begin again. So, Koreans feel anxious but, thanks to armies, air forces and navies, Koreans can live in safer place. I'm very thankful to them. I hope that they can be rewarded.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly! 

Yes, people feel uneasy about war. The country would benefit from this a lot but sometimes it also has some disadvantages. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Yes, I do. 
>> CORRECT

It is very important because that is the law. 
>> CORRECT

So, if someone break the rule, he must be going to take responsibility for it. 
>>So if someone breaks the rule, he must take responsibilities for his actions. 

I don't like demanding men to join the military. 
>> CORRECT

However, the war didn't end. 
>> However, the war hasn't ended yet. 

We don't know when the war end and begin again. 
>> We don't know when the war will begin and end again. 

So, Koreans feel anxious but, thanks to armies, air forces and navies, Koreans can live in safer place. 
>> Koreans feel anxious about it. Thanks to armies, air forces and navies, Koreans can live in safer place. 

I'm very thankful to them. 
>> CORRECT

I hope that they can be rewarded.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116559 02.18 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 2
116558 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 410
116557 If you won the lottery, would you still pursue your profession... ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 5
116556 homework Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 261
116555 What can you say about where your parents work? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 571
116554 2022.2.17 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 580
116553 2022.2.16 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 423
116552 What were your worse experience of rejection and best experience... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 329
116551 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 461
116550 Would you be willing to pay for internet services if they... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 452
116549 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 333
116548 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 861
116547 Do you think marriage is important? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 425
116546 2/17 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 448
116545 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1
116544 They say exercise helps improve mood. How? Write at least 5... Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 458
116543 Chemical firms on high alert for toughened safety law À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1
116542 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 288
116541 89-year-old graduates college with highest honors À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1
116540 I think I\'m going to work ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 451

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04