¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it is important for men to join the military service in South Korea? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-03-22 1371

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, actually, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.
We can see that North Korea is making a lot of weapons and doing experiments.
But I think it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.
U.S wants to keep in check to China, and North Korea knows it.
Because of that, North Korea is afraid of the attack from U.S.
So I think they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.
And also if they make a war with South Korea, then they will get more damages because of the war.
But we have to always be careful about the war.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, actually, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.
>> In my opinion, the war between South Korea and North Korea is already over.

We can see that North Korea is making a lot of weapons and doing experiments.
>>CORRECT

But I think it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.
>> But I think that it is not a signal for the war, it is just a sign that they could protect themselves from other threats.

U.S wants to keep in check to China, and North Korea knows it.
>> The USA wants to keep in check with China and North Korea knows it. 

Because of that, North Korea is afraid of the attack from U.S.
>> And because of that, North Korea is afraid of USA. 

So I think they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.
>> I think that they are making a lot of weapons and the experiments about them.

And also if they make a war with South Korea, then they will get more damages because of the war.
>> Also, if there is a war here in South Korea, it will cause a lot of damages. 

But we have to always be careful about the war.
>> This is why we have to be careful regarding wars. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117505 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1091
117504 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 2
117503 Animal cruelty is a crime. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1015
117502 My Weakness ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 842
117501 Where is the best place in your country to see or experience... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 897
117500 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1
117499 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1
117498 My weakness ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 963
117497 What makes you happy? ÇÑ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 725
117496 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1040
117495 I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below. ½Å*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1153
117494 Do you want to change something in your appearance? Why or why... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 960
117493 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1142
117492 2022.3.16 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 930
117491 202.3.15 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 880
117490 Is there anything you dislike about weekends? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1
117489 Aside from yourself, do you also worry about the health of those... ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1484
117488 How do you usually cope with your stress? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1431
117487 Do you want to change something in your appearance? Why or why... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1221
117486 What are the ways to slow down aging? Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-18 1488

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04