¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What culture in South Korea would you like to change and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-03-23 413

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to change the culture which prefer men. From old times, there was a culture which prefer men. Maybe it is because men are strong and can carry on a family line. So, when boys were born, people welcomed them. In contrast, when girls were born, people didn't welcome. We can see these in the Korean history movies. I think that this is very bad. Of course it is disappearing now. However, some people still have the culture.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly! 

Yes, there is gender inequality. We should always remember to treat everyone equally. There are a lot of things that women can do as well. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I want to change the culture which prefer men. 
>> I want to change the culture where in people prefer men in terms of everything. 

From old times, there was a culture which prefer men. 
>> Even in the old times, they usually prefer men in everything. 

Maybe it is because men are strong and can carry on a family line.
>> CORRECT

So, when boys were born, people welcomed them. 
>> CORRECT

In contrast, when girls were born, people didn't welcome. 
>> CORRECT

We can see these in the Korean history movies. 
>> We can see this in Korean history movies. 

I think that this is very bad. 
>> CORRECT

Of course it is disappearing now. 
>> Of course, it has already disappeared now. 

However, some people still have the culture
>> However, some people still have this culture

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117647 Where are the best places to go on vacation in your country? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 541
117646 What do you usually talk about with your friends and family when... ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 885
117645 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 3
117644 What influences you make good choice? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 683
117643 What can you bring to Bloomberg and customer service team? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 514
117642 Why Bloomberg customer service? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 764
117641 What keeps you awake at night sometimes? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 6
117640 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 357
117639 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 3
117638 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 976
117637 Do you think it is important for men to join the military... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 1123
117636 homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 1
117635 Let¡¯s go to Jeju-do(island). ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 530
117634 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ÁøÇàÁß 2022-03-23 701
117633 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 550
117632 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 653
117631 What gift is good to bring to your host family? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 781
117630 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 3
117629 Military Service ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 758
117628 Why I like more star than moon. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-03-23 861

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04