¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Military Service

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*¿ì
2022-03-23 989

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it is important to serve the military service in Korea. Because Korea is war country, so I think it is importable to men to go serve military service.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Alex! 

Yes, that's true. This is for the safety and protection of South Korea against other countries that wants to colonize it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think it is important to serve the military service in Korea. 
>> I think it is important to serve the military service in Korea because our country is in war. 

Because Korea is war country, so I think it is importable to men to go serve military service.
>> This is why I think that it is important for men to serve the military. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120298 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 878
120297 Do you like women wearing make-up or no make-up? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 2
120296 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1259
120295 What do you think is the best country in the world and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 0
120294 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 3
120293 What and who are your major influences for having your recent... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1168
120292 What is easy .... ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1262
120291 Why do so many people live below the poverty line? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1265
120290 my purpose ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1178
120289 What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small... ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1419
120288 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1038
120287 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1140
120286 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1242
120285 What are the pros and cons of having a few close friends? ÀÌ*¸í ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 2
120284 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 0
120283 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1
120282 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 1220
120281 Impression ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 3
120280 The Internet Is a Threat to Physical Book ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 853
120279 close ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-29 845

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04