¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Army

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-03-23 524

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It's really personal opinion.
I think it's best not to go if there's a way not to go to the army.
In Korea the men should go to army.
But if some men have way not go to he army, they should do it.
2 years it's so long time and time is so precious.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann! 

With the stories that my students usually tell me, I think that it is also not good for men to serve the military because of the abuse. There has been a lot of cases of bullying during their military training and it has cause a lot of trauma. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

It's really personal opinion.
>> This is my personal opinion. 

I think it's best not to go if there's a way not to go to the army.
>> I think it is best for men to not go to the military. 

In Korea the men should go to army.
>> In South Korea, men mandatorily needs to serve the army. 

But if some men have way not go to he army, they should do it.
>> But if men had the choice whether to go or not, they will not go there. 

2 years it's so long time and time is so precious.
>> 2 years is a long time an time is so precious. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119472 Do you think vaccines are important and effective? Why or why... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 698
119471 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 574
119470 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 468
119469 About good news ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 458
119468 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 701
119467 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 1
119466 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 1
119465 What is the worst experience you¡¯ve had on public... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 0
119464 Q È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 788
119463 Are robots more efficient than people? Share your answer in a... ÇÑ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 710
119462 Is it always necessary for a married couple to have kids? Why or... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 0
119461 What was the best lecture you have attended? Why do you think... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 843
119460 Is there a kind of movie that you will never watch? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 726
119459 Do you think vaccines are important and effective? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-31 679
119458 Writing Task(May 27th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 504
119457 My whishes. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 665
119456 Writing Task(May 30th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 673
119455 Today more countries import food from different parts of the... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 0
119454 5/30 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 670
119453 The poverty life. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-05-30 545

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04