¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Army

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-03-23 254

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It's really personal opinion.
I think it's best not to go if there's a way not to go to the army.
In Korea the men should go to army.
But if some men have way not go to he army, they should do it.
2 years it's so long time and time is so precious.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann! 

With the stories that my students usually tell me, I think that it is also not good for men to serve the military because of the abuse. There has been a lot of cases of bullying during their military training and it has cause a lot of trauma. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

It's really personal opinion.
>> This is my personal opinion. 

I think it's best not to go if there's a way not to go to the army.
>> I think it is best for men to not go to the military. 

In Korea the men should go to army.
>> In South Korea, men mandatorily needs to serve the army. 

But if some men have way not go to he army, they should do it.
>> But if men had the choice whether to go or not, they will not go there. 

2 years it's so long time and time is so precious.
>> 2 years is a long time an time is so precious. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116990 About my lunch time ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-03 2
116989 Have you ever found something that isn¡¯t yours? What did you do... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-03 502
116988 What\'s the most important lesson you have learned from your... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-03 293
116987 Homework ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 775
116986 What difficulty did you experience while looking for a job? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 2
116985 Should texting and driving be illegal? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 251
116984 3/2 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 951
116983 homewo ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 763
116982 homewo ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 799
116981 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 1
116980 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 3
116979 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 1
116978 We should go to school ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 1150
116977 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 1
116976 : What comes to mind when you hear the word ¡®food¡¯? What... Àü*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 777
116975 How do you think should wars be stopped and prevented? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 915
116974 What is your favorite family gathering? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 4
116973 1. tasty My food dad cooks 2. planet Earth a is the 3. is dad... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 1238
116972 Food expression ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 1250
116971 What do you think happened to dinosaurs? Why are children so... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-02 849

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04