¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Army

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-03-23 309

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It's really personal opinion.
I think it's best not to go if there's a way not to go to the army.
In Korea the men should go to army.
But if some men have way not go to he army, they should do it.
2 years it's so long time and time is so precious.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann! 

With the stories that my students usually tell me, I think that it is also not good for men to serve the military because of the abuse. There has been a lot of cases of bullying during their military training and it has cause a lot of trauma. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

It's really personal opinion.
>> This is my personal opinion. 

I think it's best not to go if there's a way not to go to the army.
>> I think it is best for men to not go to the military. 

In Korea the men should go to army.
>> In South Korea, men mandatorily needs to serve the army. 

But if some men have way not go to he army, they should do it.
>> But if men had the choice whether to go or not, they will not go there. 

2 years it's so long time and time is so precious.
>> 2 years is a long time an time is so precious. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116562 Do you prefer tourism package tours or do you prefer to plan... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1
116561 If you were a song, what song would you be and why? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 755
116560 22-02-16 Homework ¹Ú*·É ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 372
116559 02.18 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 2
116558 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 501
116557 If you won the lottery, would you still pursue your profession... ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 5
116556 homework Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 353
116555 What can you say about where your parents work? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 626
116554 2022.2.17 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 668
116553 2022.2.16 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 495
116552 What were your worse experience of rejection and best experience... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 393
116551 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 519
116550 Would you be willing to pay for internet services if they... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 507
116549 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 396
116548 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 937
116547 Do you think marriage is important? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 500
116546 2/17 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 507
116545 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1
116544 They say exercise helps improve mood. How? Write at least 5... Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 585
116543 Chemical firms on high alert for toughened safety law À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04