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영작교정 게시판

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Would the world be a better place if everyone was a vegetarian? Explain your answer.

작성자: 김*인
2022-03-28 610

회원님의 영작문

Modern people try to change their eating habitat for health, and some argue people need to be vegetarians. This is because meat consumption increases serious pollution. However, I don't agree that people should limit their meat or poultry intake. It can cause more serious environmental and health problems. First of all, global pollution and housing problem will be created by growing plants. People should use the amount of water for nurturing vegetation, and they cannot get enough water only from rain. Farmlands should use their own greenhouses due to the natural weather but this circumstance makes to use excessive water usage and gas emission. In addition, people will use a lot of spaces for people's food instead of housing. For this reason, many people will not find their safe house. To sum up, environmental pollution and less area to the built dwelling will happen in the future due to being vegetarian. In my opinion, excessive consumption is not good either meat or vegetable,

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Jin!
A proper diet is more beneficial than avoiding a lot of nutritional value from various meals we could consume.  It absolutely healthy to eat vegetables, but with ample amounts of food in the food pyramid. ^^


~T. Maine

Modern people try to change their eating habitat for health, and some argue people need to be vegetarians.
>>Modern people try to change their eating habits for health and some argue that people need to be vegetarians.
This is because meat consumption increases serious pollution.
>>Correct.
However, I don't agree that people should limit their meat or poultry intake.
>>Correct.
It can cause more serious environmental and health problems.
>>Correct.
First of all, global pollution and housing problem will be created by growing plants.
>>First of all, global pollution and housing problems are the worries in growing plants.
People should use the amount of water for nurturing vegetation, and they cannot get enough water only from rain.
>>People should use enough amount of water for nurturing vegetation, but cannot happen because of insufficient water from nature through rain.
Farmlands should use their own greenhouses due to the natural weather but this circumstance makes to use excessive water usage and gas emission.
>>Farmlands should use their own greenhouses due to the natural weather, but this circumstance makes them use excessive water and gas emission.
In addition, people will use a lot of spaces for people's food instead of housing.
>>In addition, people will use a lot of space for people's food instead of housing.
For this reason, many people will not find their safe house.
>>Correct.
To sum up, environmental pollution and less area to the built dwelling will happen in the future due to being vegetarian.
>>Correct.
In my opinion, excessive consumption is not good either meat or vegetable,
>>In my opinion, excessive consumption is not good either meat or vegetable.

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