¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

City With Changes

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2022-04-01 1391

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The city is made with a lot of people.
Therefore, it has a lot of energy.
Those energies make a lot of changes.
Some of them are planned and prepared, some of them are made in chaos or coincidence, some of them gives harsh pain, some of them make chances.
Those things have a lot to think, so we lost our thoughts sometimes.
All in all, those things makes own story of city anyway.
And that story makes it fascinating.


p.s Goodbye and thank you (I've been writing this for 50 minutes)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


The city is made with a lot of people.

>> The city is made of a lot of people.
Therefore, it has a lot of energy.

>> CORRECT!
Those energies make a lot of changes.

>> CORRECT!
Some of them are planned and prepared, some of them are made in chaos or coincidence, some of them gives harsh pain, some of them make chances.

>> Some of them are planned and prepared, some of them are made in chaos or coincidence, some of them gives harsh pain, and some of them make chances.
Those things have a lot to think, so we lost our thoughts sometimes.

>> Those things have a lot to think, so we lose our thoughts sometimes.
All in all, those things makes own story of city anyway.

>> All in all, those things make the own story of a city.
And that story makes it fascinating.

>> That story makes it fascinating.


-------------------------------------------

Hi Justine,

It's been an honor and a pleasure to have been your teacher and to be part of your growth. 

I wish you all the best in life. I hope you find the happiness and dream that your heart desires.

The only person you should be in competition with is yourself yesterday.

In other words, strive to be better that what you were yesterday and be a better version of yourself with each new day.

Good luck and take care! :)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121414 Monday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1160
121413 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 3
121412 My hope ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1
121411 Diary ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 2
121410 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 0
121409 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1546
121408 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1140
121407 Are parties or gatherings better in people¡¯s houses or in party... ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1365
121406 Why do you think people started leaving the rural areas and... ¹é*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1787
121405 Tell me about your worst travel experience. ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1474
121404 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1
121403 How can Korean students prevent stress from all the pressure in... ¹é*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1017
121402 shopping and travel ¹Ú*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1067
121401 Why is it so easy for children to learn languages and so... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 4
121400 What are the health risks associated with your lifestyle and... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-07 1222
121399 What are some of the negative effects of alcohol? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-07 1377
121398 How do you understand the statement: ¡°Beauty is skin deep¡±? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-07 1028
121397 What are the advantages and disadvantages of using cosmetics? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-07 1433
121396 What could you have done better on Fiji Island when you were... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-07 1231
121395 In your country, what are other expressions people use when they... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-07 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04