¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

City With Changes

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2022-04-01 1174

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The city is made with a lot of people.
Therefore, it has a lot of energy.
Those energies make a lot of changes.
Some of them are planned and prepared, some of them are made in chaos or coincidence, some of them gives harsh pain, some of them make chances.
Those things have a lot to think, so we lost our thoughts sometimes.
All in all, those things makes own story of city anyway.
And that story makes it fascinating.


p.s Goodbye and thank you (I've been writing this for 50 minutes)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


The city is made with a lot of people.

>> The city is made of a lot of people.
Therefore, it has a lot of energy.

>> CORRECT!
Those energies make a lot of changes.

>> CORRECT!
Some of them are planned and prepared, some of them are made in chaos or coincidence, some of them gives harsh pain, some of them make chances.

>> Some of them are planned and prepared, some of them are made in chaos or coincidence, some of them gives harsh pain, and some of them make chances.
Those things have a lot to think, so we lost our thoughts sometimes.

>> Those things have a lot to think, so we lose our thoughts sometimes.
All in all, those things makes own story of city anyway.

>> All in all, those things make the own story of a city.
And that story makes it fascinating.

>> That story makes it fascinating.


-------------------------------------------

Hi Justine,

It's been an honor and a pleasure to have been your teacher and to be part of your growth. 

I wish you all the best in life. I hope you find the happiness and dream that your heart desires.

The only person you should be in competition with is yourself yesterday.

In other words, strive to be better that what you were yesterday and be a better version of yourself with each new day.

Good luck and take care! :)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116814 Which one do you think is better, living in a country that has 2... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 609
116813 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 644
116812 When was the last time you visited a doctor? Why did you visit... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 708
116811 2022.2.24 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 729
116810 The things that have fruit smells Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 544
116809 What do you like most about family gatherings? Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 687
116808 Which one do you think is better, living in a country that has 2... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 789
116807 What important thing do you bring when you travel? Why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 1
116806 What should we do to stay safe these days? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 1
116805 2/24 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 1306
116804 at the gym. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 2
116803 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 0
116802 In which jobs do people have to make very quick decisions based... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 798
116801 homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 1161
116800 Which one do you think is better, living in a country that has 2... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 672
116799 Homework ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 858
116798 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 3
116797 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 2
116796 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 600
116795 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-24 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04