¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

City With Changes

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2022-04-01 1383

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The city is made with a lot of people.
Therefore, it has a lot of energy.
Those energies make a lot of changes.
Some of them are planned and prepared, some of them are made in chaos or coincidence, some of them gives harsh pain, some of them make chances.
Those things have a lot to think, so we lost our thoughts sometimes.
All in all, those things makes own story of city anyway.
And that story makes it fascinating.


p.s Goodbye and thank you (I've been writing this for 50 minutes)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


The city is made with a lot of people.

>> The city is made of a lot of people.
Therefore, it has a lot of energy.

>> CORRECT!
Those energies make a lot of changes.

>> CORRECT!
Some of them are planned and prepared, some of them are made in chaos or coincidence, some of them gives harsh pain, some of them make chances.

>> Some of them are planned and prepared, some of them are made in chaos or coincidence, some of them gives harsh pain, and some of them make chances.
Those things have a lot to think, so we lost our thoughts sometimes.

>> Those things have a lot to think, so we lose our thoughts sometimes.
All in all, those things makes own story of city anyway.

>> All in all, those things make the own story of a city.
And that story makes it fascinating.

>> That story makes it fascinating.


-------------------------------------------

Hi Justine,

It's been an honor and a pleasure to have been your teacher and to be part of your growth. 

I wish you all the best in life. I hope you find the happiness and dream that your heart desires.

The only person you should be in competition with is yourself yesterday.

In other words, strive to be better that what you were yesterday and be a better version of yourself with each new day.

Good luck and take care! :)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115725 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 460
115724 Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 874
115723 Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 0
115722 In many cultures, women cook more often than men. Why is this? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 678
115721 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 455
115720 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 577
115719 What does a holiday mean to you? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 667
115718 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1
115717 Homework. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 0
115716 Can goals help to change your life? How? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 504
115715 you can¡¯t buy happiness\". If you were richer, do you think you... º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 473
115714 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1
115713 Homework (1/18) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 2
115712 What do you think are the characteristics of a good leader? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 471
115711 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 819
115710 More young Koreans hire housekeepers À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 0
115709 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1
115708 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 580
115707 write about the next endangered anmal À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1
115706 If you could be a super hero, which super hero would you be? Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1285

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04