¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

punishment

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2022-04-07 968

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency.

So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling.

I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them.

At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other's human right.

I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Ms, Lily!
Oh I hope that they are thinking what you're thinking that it is for their personal growth that they are being disciplined. People tend to focus more on the "wrong doings" of the person rather than the positive result.
Thank you for your answer. and try to focus on those minor corrections for the improvement of your sentence construction.
Stay well!
Aki~~
I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency.
>>> I think that the ultimate purpose of the penalty is not the punishment itself but the improvement of their behavior to avoid delinquency.

So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling.
>>> So at first, we need a counseling period for them. Not short terms or cursory counseling.

I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them.
>>> I thought about what kind of punishments are suitable for them.

At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other's human right.
>>> At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded others' human rights.

I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.
>>> I'd like to recommend the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122213 9/6 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-07 2255
122212 9/6 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 2607
122211 Mars ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 2316
122210 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 1787
122209 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 2461
122208 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 4131
122207 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 2344
122206 What would you wish for if you saw a falling star? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 2111
122205 I\'m sorry teacher but please correct as soon as posible ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 1940
122204 How can the government step up more actively to rearrange... ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 1
122203 What body language do you think is common in all cultures? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 1
122202 Even though you may have been terrified by a particular ride,... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 1626
122201 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 2240
122200 Describe your dream house in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 2068
122199 Coffee shop ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 1
122198 Are you happy with a two-day weekend or should it be three days?... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 1709
122197 Use the following phrases in creative sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 1600
122196 What activities do you enjoy doing on your free time? Le* ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 2745
122195 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 1
122194 A book Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-06 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04