¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

punishment

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2022-04-07 1011

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency.

So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling.

I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them.

At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other's human right.

I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Ms, Lily!
Oh I hope that they are thinking what you're thinking that it is for their personal growth that they are being disciplined. People tend to focus more on the "wrong doings" of the person rather than the positive result.
Thank you for your answer. and try to focus on those minor corrections for the improvement of your sentence construction.
Stay well!
Aki~~
I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency.
>>> I think that the ultimate purpose of the penalty is not the punishment itself but the improvement of their behavior to avoid delinquency.

So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling.
>>> So at first, we need a counseling period for them. Not short terms or cursory counseling.

I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them.
>>> I thought about what kind of punishments are suitable for them.

At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other's human right.
>>> At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded others' human rights.

I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.
>>> I'd like to recommend the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121824 8/23 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1673
121823 8/23 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1359
121822 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 988
121821 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 2
121820 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1808
121819 How can we develop good habits? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1306
121818 If you could only wear one color for the rest of your life, what... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1397
121817 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1725
121816 What do you do to relax after working hard or experiencing other... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1096
121815 If you could ask your favorite Disney princess a question, what... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1275
121814 What would life be like without your computer? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1298
121813 If a natural disaster hit your town, what would you do? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 2010
121812 Have you ever had the experience of being a leader? What did you... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1775
121811 My best friend ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 0
121810 What if a natural disaster hit my town? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1437
121809 What do you think of hunting? Would you eat an animal that you... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1659
121808 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1546
121807 What does it mean when you say, \"We are the architects of our... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1656
121806 How do I value my friendship. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 2060
121805 How are your friendships different now than they were when you... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-23 1530

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04