¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

punishment

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2022-04-07 986

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency.

So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling.

I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them.

At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other's human right.

I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Ms, Lily!
Oh I hope that they are thinking what you're thinking that it is for their personal growth that they are being disciplined. People tend to focus more on the "wrong doings" of the person rather than the positive result.
Thank you for your answer. and try to focus on those minor corrections for the improvement of your sentence construction.
Stay well!
Aki~~
I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency.
>>> I think that the ultimate purpose of the penalty is not the punishment itself but the improvement of their behavior to avoid delinquency.

So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling.
>>> So at first, we need a counseling period for them. Not short terms or cursory counseling.

I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them.
>>> I thought about what kind of punishments are suitable for them.

At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other's human right.
>>> At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded others' human rights.

I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.
>>> I'd like to recommend the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118034 Is travel education? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 466
118033 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 469
118032 Should governments allow people to drink products that make... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1374
118031 Do you think it would be harder to live with a physical... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 649
118030 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 533
118029 Fashion is important thing ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 804
118028 My Favorite Thing about Myself ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1083
118027 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 1
118026 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 737
118025 2022.4.5 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 786
118024 Do you think fashion is important for people\'s lives? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 478
118023 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-06 2
118022 If you can plant a tree in your name, what tree will you plant? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 825
118021 4/5 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 487
118020 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 3
118019 What is your favorite healthy food? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 1
118018 What place would you like to visit soon? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 748
118017 Is it morally right to spend a lot of money on pets, rather than... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 1
118016 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 1
118015 Should governments allow people to drink products that make... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 462

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04