¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

punishment

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2022-04-07 1098

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency.

So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling.

I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them.

At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other's human right.

I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Ms, Lily!
Oh I hope that they are thinking what you're thinking that it is for their personal growth that they are being disciplined. People tend to focus more on the "wrong doings" of the person rather than the positive result.
Thank you for your answer. and try to focus on those minor corrections for the improvement of your sentence construction.
Stay well!
Aki~~
I think that the ultimate purpose of penalty is not punishment itself but improvement of their delinquency.
>>> I think that the ultimate purpose of the penalty is not the punishment itself but the improvement of their behavior to avoid delinquency.

So at fitst we need counceling period for them . Not short terms or cursory counceling.
>>> So at first, we need a counseling period for them. Not short terms or cursory counseling.

I thought what kind of punishments are suitable for them.
>>> I thought about what kind of punishments are suitable for them.

At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded on other's human right.
>>> At least it should be chances to reflect on their delinquency that invaded others' human rights.

I;d like to recommand the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.
>>> I'd like to recommend the school or community service as volunteer activities to help others.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117872 As a result of tourism, many historical buildings and sites are... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 6
117871 Thank you! °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 913
117870 In many countries recently young single people have been living... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 2
117869 3/30 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1145
117868 What kind of food are you sensitive to? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 699
117867 Handsome is best hahaha ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 944
117866 Simple, Neat, and Comfortable ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 4
117865 Music power is so strong ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 814
117864 Do you collect anything? So when did you start collecting them?... Àü*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 769
117863 Which artists/bands do you want to see at a music festival? ÃÖ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 715
117862 What is the best restaurant in your town and what do they serve... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1048
117861 Tell me about a recent news you\'ve read or heard about. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 762
117860 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 894
117859 Do you like to eat fruits? What\'s your favorite one and why? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 0
117858 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 932
117857 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 3
117856 What do you think is the best TV show and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 836
117855 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 856
117854 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1
117853 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 726

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04