¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it\'s necessary to have plastic surgery if you are famous in order to be successful? Wh

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-04-08 749

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, it's unnecessary to have plastic surgery if I am famous.
We don't judge the people with their appearances.
The most important thing is how the people think and the personalities of the people.
Because of these reasons, it is unnecessary to have plastic surgery if we are famous.
But we can do it if we want.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Yes, it's our character that stands out in a crowd. We need to express self-love and show it to the world. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, it's unnecessary to have plastic surgery if I am famous.
>> CORRECT

We don't judge the people with their appearances.
>> We don't judge people based on their appearances.

The most important thing is how the people think and the personalities of the people.
>> The most important thing is how a person thinks and their personality. 

Because of these reasons, it is unnecessary to have plastic surgery if we are famous.
>> CORRECT

But we can do it if we want.
>> But we can do it if we want to as well. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120067 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-22 0
120066 Q È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-22 2
120065 homework À±*¿ø ÁøÇàÁß 2022-06-22 897
120064 Do you agree that dogs are man\'s best friend? Explain your... ÀÌ* ¿Ï·á 2022-06-22 937
120063 Spociness is taste, not pain ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-22 1011
120062 Do you think getting old is a good thing or a bad thing? Explain... ÀÌ* ¿Ï·á 2022-06-22 910
120061 What has been the hardest thing to get used to? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-22 75
120060 Some people think that facing challenges improves a person. Do... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-06-22 1
120059 Where do you always eat out? Can you please describe the place? ÇÑ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-22 5
120058 What is your hatest food and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-06-22 814
120057 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 794
120056 6/21 HOMEWORKw(゚¬¥゚)w ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 842
120055 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 2
120054 [Homework] Q. How is your country¡¯s traditional music different... ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 1
120053 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 1088
120052 homework ¿ø*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 965
120051 Trade places. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 1
120050 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 994
120049 What things about morning would you like to change? Why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 1031
120048 About culture of moving into a new home. ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-21 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04