¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it\'s necessary to have plastic surgery if you are famous in order to be successful? Wh

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-04-08 583

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, it's unnecessary to have plastic surgery if I am famous.
We don't judge the people with their appearances.
The most important thing is how the people think and the personalities of the people.
Because of these reasons, it is unnecessary to have plastic surgery if we are famous.
But we can do it if we want.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Yes, it's our character that stands out in a crowd. We need to express self-love and show it to the world. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, it's unnecessary to have plastic surgery if I am famous.
>> CORRECT

We don't judge the people with their appearances.
>> We don't judge people based on their appearances.

The most important thing is how the people think and the personalities of the people.
>> The most important thing is how a person thinks and their personality. 

Because of these reasons, it is unnecessary to have plastic surgery if we are famous.
>> CORRECT

But we can do it if we want.
>> But we can do it if we want to as well. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117889 What is the best gift you have ever received and why is it so... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 851
117888 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 687
117887 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 963
117886 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 653
117885 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 2
117884 Why is it that some people act differently in front of others? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 962
117883 Thank you for checking the English composition every time. ½Å*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 479
117882 civet coffee ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 408
117881 Which artists/bands do you want to see at a music festival?... ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 2
117880 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 1
117879 What are some of the advantages of cooking your meals at home?... ¾È*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 832
117878 What is the best restaurant in your town and what do they serve... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 800
117877 2022.3.30 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 721
117876 What will you do if you are in a restaurant and another Korean... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 0
117875 Do you suffer from nightmares? Can you remember any specific... Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 546
117874 What is the best gift you have ever received and why is it so... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-31 851
117873 Homework ÀÓ*ÃÑ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1
117872 As a result of tourism, many historical buildings and sites are... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 6
117871 Thank you! °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 796
117870 In many countries recently young single people have been living... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04