¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you will invest your money in something, what would it be and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-04-11 491

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I have a lot of money and could invest my money in something, that it would be a new technology.
Nowadays, people are causing many kinds of pollution.
And we need a new technology that can reduce the amounts of pollution because the pollution could damage us.
And also we may save a lot of people who are dying with a new technology.
Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology if I have a lot of money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! 

Investments are really good but it still depends if you know how it works or not. You need to be knowledgeable about it first. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

If I have a lot of money and could invest my money in something, that it would be a new technology.
>> 
If I have a lot of money and could invest it in something, it would be on a new technology. 

Nowadays, people are causing many kinds of pollution.
>> CORRECT

And we need a new technology that can reduce the amounts of pollution because the pollution could damage us.
>> This is why we need a new technology that can reduce the amount of pollution because it can cause damages to us. 

And also we may save a lot of people who are dying with a new technology.
>> Also, we can save a lot of people from dying. 

Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology if I have a lot of money.
>> Because of these reasons, I want to invest my money in a new technology. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118003 Do you think there is still inequality between men and women... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 0
118002 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 1
118001 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 890
118000 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 911
117999 If a Blackout in My City... ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 767
117998 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 4
117997 My Morning Routine ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 755
117996 I\'m afraid:( ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 670
117995 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 2
117994 HOMEWORK: ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 458
117993 What is your favorite food? How often do you eat it? ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 2
117992 2022.4.1 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 696
117991 2022.4.4 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 661
117990 Why do some children become violent when they are angry? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 4
117989 Homework ÀÓ*ÃÑ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 1
117988 What is the top crime in your country today? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 2
117987 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 1076
117986 Do you think you are now successful, or still unsuccessful? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 582
117985 What is your opinion about people who have tattoos? Would you... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-04-05 641
117984 Why I like the stars more than the sun. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-04-04 583

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04