¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What benefits do you think the compulsory military will give to the individual and country as a whol

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2022-04-22 495

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Men in Korea should serve military service as mandatory if they don't have serious disabilities. They have to go to the army in their 20th which can be the most active age in their life and the most important time to prepare their future by studying their majors. If their are athletes, they might have problem to improve their skills. It might be time to take away their chance to become well-known sports players. Although, most people believe that they waste thier time in the military service, there are a few advantages. Firstly, they realize how their parents valuable are because they miss their family a lot due to hard tranning. Secondly, it can be turning point in their life. Some people don't know what they would like to do when they reach the age to get a job and most men spend their time to enjoy with their friends instead of preparing for their jobs. They finally realize the importance of preperation for their future life in the army. Finally, they can keep their health well

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Men in Korea should serve military service as mandatory if they don't have serious disabilities. 
>> Men in Korea should serve the military if they don't have serious disabilities. 
OR >> Men in Korea should serve the military if they don't have serious health problems. 
They have to go to the army in their 20th which can be the most active age in their life and the most important time to prepare their future by studying their majors. 
>> CORRECT!
If their are athletes, they might have problem to improve their skills. 
>> If they are athletes, they might have problems to improve their skills. 
It might be time to take away their chance to become well-known sports players.
>> It might take away their chance to become well-known sports players.
 Although, most people believe that they waste thier time in the military service, there are a few advantages. 
>>  Although, most people believe that they waste their time in the military, there are a few advantages. 
OR >> Although, most people believe that they waste their time serving in the military, there are a few advantages. 
Firstly, they realize how their parents valuable are because they miss their family a lot due to hard tranning. 
>> Firstly, they realize how valuable their parents are because they miss their family a lot due to hard training. 
Secondly, it can be turning point in their life. 
>> Secondly, it can be a turning point in their life. 
Some people don't know what they would like to do when they reach the age to get a job and most men spend their time to enjoy with their friends instead of preparing for their jobs. 
>> CORRECT!
They finally realize the importance of preperation for their future life in the army.
>> They finally realize the importance of preparation for their future life in the army.
 Finally, they can keep their health well.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120950 When you treat yourself with food, what do you eat? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-21 2
120949 Movie Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-21 3
120948 How much do you care about the clothes you wear? Who do you... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-21 828
120947 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-21 1
120946 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-21 872
120945 Homework for 07.20.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-21 4
120944 Toy ³ë*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-21 819
120943 Which one do you think is better, getting married early or... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-07-21 0
120942 Do you think parents nowadays are different from parents in the... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-07-21 786
120941 7/20 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-20 3095
120940 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-20 857
120939 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-20 1
120938 Are you good with money? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-20 705
120937 Writing Task(Jul 15th, 2022) ³²*½Â ÁøÇàÁß 2022-07-20 577
120936 Please check my sentence. thanks ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-20 662
120935 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-20 1
120934 In your opinion, what other customs or practices that aren¡¯t... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-20 693
120933 Writing Task(Jul 14th, 2022) ³²*½Â ÁøÇàÁß 2022-07-20 861
120932 Do you think it\'s easy for people to recognize real religion... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-20 802
120931 Why do people become criminals? What are the causes of crime?... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-20 567

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04