¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What benefits do you think the compulsory military will give to the individual and country as a whol

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2022-04-22 444

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Men in Korea should serve military service as mandatory if they don't have serious disabilities. They have to go to the army in their 20th which can be the most active age in their life and the most important time to prepare their future by studying their majors. If their are athletes, they might have problem to improve their skills. It might be time to take away their chance to become well-known sports players. Although, most people believe that they waste thier time in the military service, there are a few advantages. Firstly, they realize how their parents valuable are because they miss their family a lot due to hard tranning. Secondly, it can be turning point in their life. Some people don't know what they would like to do when they reach the age to get a job and most men spend their time to enjoy with their friends instead of preparing for their jobs. They finally realize the importance of preperation for their future life in the army. Finally, they can keep their health well

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Men in Korea should serve military service as mandatory if they don't have serious disabilities. 
>> Men in Korea should serve the military if they don't have serious disabilities. 
OR >> Men in Korea should serve the military if they don't have serious health problems. 
They have to go to the army in their 20th which can be the most active age in their life and the most important time to prepare their future by studying their majors. 
>> CORRECT!
If their are athletes, they might have problem to improve their skills. 
>> If they are athletes, they might have problems to improve their skills. 
It might be time to take away their chance to become well-known sports players.
>> It might take away their chance to become well-known sports players.
 Although, most people believe that they waste thier time in the military service, there are a few advantages. 
>>  Although, most people believe that they waste their time in the military, there are a few advantages. 
OR >> Although, most people believe that they waste their time serving in the military, there are a few advantages. 
Firstly, they realize how their parents valuable are because they miss their family a lot due to hard tranning. 
>> Firstly, they realize how valuable their parents are because they miss their family a lot due to hard training. 
Secondly, it can be turning point in their life. 
>> Secondly, it can be a turning point in their life. 
Some people don't know what they would like to do when they reach the age to get a job and most men spend their time to enjoy with their friends instead of preparing for their jobs. 
>> CORRECT!
They finally realize the importance of preperation for their future life in the army.
>> They finally realize the importance of preparation for their future life in the army.
 Finally, they can keep their health well.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120256 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 668
120255 Have you ever put on makeup for a very special purpose/occasion? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 2
120254 Is fire used to describe different human emotions in your... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 919
120253 Do you think getting old is a good thing or a bad thing? Explain... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 0
120252 About studying English ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 4
120251 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 2
120250 What holiday do you think should be removed from your country... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 0
120249 What is the most expensive thing that you would want to buy and... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 0
120248 Homework For 06.28.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 2
120247 Homework and clarification ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 1064
120246 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 1054
120245 Homework ÇÏ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 2
120244 New people ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 2
120243 How do you use body language when you communicate in English? ÀÌ*¸í ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 1
120242 What is the most challenging thing about learning English? ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 1152
120241 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 0
120240 [Homework] Q. What was your favorite essay? ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 3
120239 How can you misinterpret someone¡¯s body language? ÀÌ*¸í ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 2
120238 How long does it take you to feel comfortable with a new person? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 1018
120237 What do you think are some health care problems in your country? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-28 734

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04