¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What benefits do you think the compulsory military will give to the individual and country as a whol

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2022-04-22 687

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Men in Korea should serve military service as mandatory if they don't have serious disabilities. They have to go to the army in their 20th which can be the most active age in their life and the most important time to prepare their future by studying their majors. If their are athletes, they might have problem to improve their skills. It might be time to take away their chance to become well-known sports players. Although, most people believe that they waste thier time in the military service, there are a few advantages. Firstly, they realize how their parents valuable are because they miss their family a lot due to hard tranning. Secondly, it can be turning point in their life. Some people don't know what they would like to do when they reach the age to get a job and most men spend their time to enjoy with their friends instead of preparing for their jobs. They finally realize the importance of preperation for their future life in the army. Finally, they can keep their health well

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Men in Korea should serve military service as mandatory if they don't have serious disabilities. 
>> Men in Korea should serve the military if they don't have serious disabilities. 
OR >> Men in Korea should serve the military if they don't have serious health problems. 
They have to go to the army in their 20th which can be the most active age in their life and the most important time to prepare their future by studying their majors. 
>> CORRECT!
If their are athletes, they might have problem to improve their skills. 
>> If they are athletes, they might have problems to improve their skills. 
It might be time to take away their chance to become well-known sports players.
>> It might take away their chance to become well-known sports players.
 Although, most people believe that they waste thier time in the military service, there are a few advantages. 
>>  Although, most people believe that they waste their time in the military, there are a few advantages. 
OR >> Although, most people believe that they waste their time serving in the military, there are a few advantages. 
Firstly, they realize how their parents valuable are because they miss their family a lot due to hard tranning. 
>> Firstly, they realize how valuable their parents are because they miss their family a lot due to hard training. 
Secondly, it can be turning point in their life. 
>> Secondly, it can be a turning point in their life. 
Some people don't know what they would like to do when they reach the age to get a job and most men spend their time to enjoy with their friends instead of preparing for their jobs. 
>> CORRECT!
They finally realize the importance of preperation for their future life in the army.
>> They finally realize the importance of preparation for their future life in the army.
 Finally, they can keep their health well.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120191 What do your family members do for work? ÇÑ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 14
120190 Homework For 06.24.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 3
120189 Do you think athletes earn enough money? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 977
120188 What do you think about extreme sports? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 1309
120187 Have you ever helped someone who was feeling stressful? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 1221
120186 How can stress be good, useful, or necessary? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 1148
120185 6/26 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 906
120184 [Homework] Q. What Korean foods do you think are hard to cook?... ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 1
120183 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 863
120182 When talking to someone, what matters more to you, to hear how... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 1168
120181 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 1529
120180 Identification ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-26 3
120179 Can you bear not having your cell phone for a week? À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 1059
120178 Thanks for your teaching. ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 942
120177 What is your favorite Korean dish and why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 3
120176 My favorite Amusement park ride. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 748
120175 My favorite Amusement park ride. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 1013
120174 What is your opinion about the growing stagflation in your... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 1061
120173 Have you ever thought of entering the medical industry? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 1085
120172 In your opinion, what are the possible problems that your... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 875

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04