¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*¿ì
2022-05-06 516

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think they are spending a worse childhood than mine because they are already contacted on many kinds of SNS such as Youtube which makes them guineas or fools. It can be a harmful condition for kids.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kane! 

Yes, kids are very exposed to those already nowadays. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon. 

I think they are spending a worse childhood than mine because they are already contacted on many kinds of SNS such as Youtube which makes them guineas or fools.
>> I think their childhoods are worse than mine because they are exposed to many kinds of SNS such as YouTube, which makes them either geniuses or fools. 

It can be a harmful condition for kids.
>> It can be harmful for kids. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118173 What makes me exhausted ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-12 792
118172 What are the possible benefits of working on weekends? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-12 521
118171 2022.4.11 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-04-12 548
118170 Where do you prefer spending your money: clothes, kitchen stuff... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-12 1
118169 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-12 2
118168 What is your dream vacation? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-04-12 2
118167 What city do you think is the best in South Korea? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-04-12 409
118166 Homework ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-12 538
118165 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 626
118164 4/11 homework (¡Ü\'◡\'¡Ü) ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 744
118163 Describe the famous cathedral in my country. ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 492
118162 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 0
118161 Do you like reading the articles on the sports page? / What... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 597
118160 What do you think is the most dangerous natural disaster? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 585
118159 The train is really punctual. ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 535
118158 I want to be a common person ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 2
118157 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 3
118156 What is the best activity to do while camping? Why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 586
118155 Which greeting kind of annoys you? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 520
118154 Can you tell me about something you would happily do again? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-11 820

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04