¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2022-05-13 594

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Should poor people be punished for stealing if they are stealing to feed their families?

Of course. Because It is a crime. They need to be punished less, but it doesn't tell they don't be punished. The punishment must be done to every criminal regardless economic environment. If they don't have money, they don't steal, they just work.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Won! 

Yes, a crime is a crime. The law excuses no one. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Of course. Because It is a crime. 
>> Of course because it is a crime. 

They need to be punished less, but it doesn't tell they don't be punished. 
>> They need to be punished but not as severe as other criminals. 

The punishment must be done to every criminal regardless economic environment. 
>> Every criminal should be punished regardless of their reasons. 

If they don't have money, they don't steal, they just work.
>> If they don't have money, they shouldn't steal but work instead. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118337 What positive effect has stress on you? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 0
118336 writing task - Tony ±è*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 1
118335 4/19 homework ヾ(≧¡ä≦*)o ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 459
118334 The best place in my city Çö*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 1279
118333 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 2
118332 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 1
118331 What is your must-have item when traveling? Why? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 452
118330 skate ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 6
118329 Right? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 1
118328 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 3
118327 What are some of the advantages of books vs. movies? How about... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 658
118326 Which would you choose: A stressful job with very high pay or a... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 0
118325 Which would you choose: A stressful job with very high pay or a... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 569
118324 I prefer a relaxing weekend. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 582
118323 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 497
118322 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 577
118321 HOMEWORK. ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 614
118320 Deal with money. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 2
118319 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 3
118318 I think this is a trend. We need to be able to use our cards... ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-04-19 605

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04