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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

In your opinion, why is it important to constantly research on and find ways to improve our diagnost

작성자: 황*하
2022-05-16 384

회원님의 영작문

Many people died whose didn't know their disease due to the poor diagnostic technology. It can be possible to treat serious diseases in accordance with the improvement of diagnostic ways. If doctors don't know what are main factors to the patient's illness, they can't say any positive treatment comments because it is the first step of treatment. Average life expentancy is gradually increasing because of development of medical technology. People used to die with flu that is considered as a light disease a couple of years ago but nobody care about flu because we can easily be diagnosed from doctors and be treated with simple medications. The survival rate of cancer patients has dramatically increased since imaging devices are developed because it is easy to remove tumors by resection as early as doctors find out patient's disease. I believe that why life expendancy has increased is development of medical skills and technologies.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Many people died whose didn't know their disease due to the poor diagnostic technology. 
>> Many people died because they didn't know their disease due to the poor diagnostic technology. 
It can be possible to treat serious diseases in accordance with the improvement of diagnostic ways. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> It can be possible to treat serious diseases in accordance with the improvement of diagnostic tools.
If doctors don't know what are main factors to the patient's illness, they can't say any positive treatment comments because it is the first step of treatment. 
>> If doctors don't know what are the main factors to the patient's illness, they can't say any positive treatment comments because it is the first step of treatment. 
Average life expentancy is gradually increasing because of development of medical technology.
>> CORRECT!
People used to die with flu that is considered as a light disease a couple of years ago but nobody care about flu because we can easily be diagnosed from doctors and be treated with simple medications. 
>> People used to die with flu that is considered as a light disease a couple of years ago, but nobody cares about flu, because we can easily be diagnosed by doctors and be treated with simple medications. 
The survival rate of cancer patients has dramatically increased since imaging devices are developed because it is easy to remove tumors by resection as early as doctors find out patient's disease. 
>> CORRECT!
I believe that why life expendancy has increased is development of medical skills and technologies.
>> I believe that why life expentancy has increased is development of medical skills and technologies.
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