¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Disadvantages of Technology

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*°æ
2022-05-16 319

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes human lazy. Because we can do everything with our smartphones, we don't have go outside or move. And when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Ariel!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes human lazy. 

>> Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes humans lazy. 

Because we can do everything with our smartphones, we don't have go outside or move. 

>> CORRECT!

And when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

>> In addition, when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120583 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 753
120582 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 836
120581 What is your favorite plant or flower? Why? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1101
120580 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 805
120579 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 737
120578 What language do you think is the most difficult to learn? ÇÑ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1082
120577 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1190
120576 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 3
120575 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 901
120574 What are the good things and bad things about today¡¯s youth?... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1078
120573 Where do you think is the best vacation place for you? Why? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 660
120572 Why do we need to have contests or competitions? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 798
120571 Have you tried eating exotic food before? If yes, what is it? If... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 893
120570 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 666
120569 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1
120568 The youth of today are no different from the youth of past. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1075
120567 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 0
120566 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 884
120565 When can homework be counterproductive? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1120
120564 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1024

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04